© 2006, Sheri Gaynor, Blue Pony

It has been a long journey into night as they say and with winter approaching, I am beginning to find my way home. I use the word home as a metaphor for recognizing that for most of my adult life I have been living two lives, mine own and my mothers. 

I am in the process of disentangling. As many of you know, supporting someone with a long term, terminal illness is a powerful and profound experience, while at the same time, one that moves you away from your personal center, to support and care for another. As women, we are used to this. In some ways we are hardwired to be other oriented to step in and caretake. Most times it is done in a conscious contract of love, and sometimes it is done because there is a "should," involved. For my mother and I, it was a contract of love and what I have come to understand was a deep abiding understanding that she needed my support to cross over to her next journey. 

© 2008, Sheri Gaynor, Spotted Pony

This reconnection to self is not an easy path and I believe the horses have come to guide my way. I began painting the horse series 2 months before I got the call that my mother was heading to the hospital, as she was having trouble breathing. I flew home, not knowing that this flight would be the beginning of a year long journey my mother and I would take to her eventual passing. 

© 2010, The Midwife, by Sheri Gaynor

Much to my surprise I am writing again…the words and the images helping me to integrate and find my way home…I will be posting excerpts so please subscribe if you are interesting in joining me in this profound rite of passage.